she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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