Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
