I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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