I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
