There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
