her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My ass is underappreciated
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
