we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
