i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
