The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize