I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
