You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
