So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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