Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
