first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
