Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
