Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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