Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
