He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
