New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
