where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
