he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sext me about skeletons
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
