Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
