I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
