im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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