Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
