remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
