3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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