You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
