just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize