i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
