I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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