i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear god my vagina.
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