is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
