I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
