Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
