She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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