I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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