Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
