Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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