Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
