I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
