Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
