just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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