??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
