my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
