I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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