laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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