two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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