guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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