Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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