I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
