I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
