I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
