My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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