I want to have your abortion
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
