ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
