Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
