Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
