We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
