After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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