why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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