I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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