I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
