you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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