you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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