why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
