You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
