chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize