the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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