I bet he comes in French.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
