I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
