They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
