can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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