you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
