Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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