I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
