Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
