Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
