It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
