i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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