No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
