the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
