where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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