five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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