you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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