I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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