Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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