Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
