sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
