totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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