i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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