your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We have started to decorate penises.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
