Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
