Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
