im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm passing your future prison.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize